Martin Bengtsson had always dreamed to play football, and he was doing just that while representing Inter Milan but life had other plans.
The Swed felt depressed, even though this was meant to be his destiny. He made a concerted effort to kill himself. By the age of 19, he had permanently given up soccer.
The good old days
Bengtsson dreamed of representing either one of the Milan clubs when he was 5. He desperately wanted to play at the highest level just like any other football aspirant. He spent most of his day training and was determined to become a footballer.
The Swed succeeded in attaining the life he wanted to live. He set foot on Inter Milan’s U-19 team on 15th October 2005 and represented the badge for 3 years. The dream of feeling San Siro’s grass at his feet finally came true.
“I had this dream when I was five to play at the San Siro,” Bengtsson told Sky Sports.
“I was very decisive that this was my goal. Even had a schedule & practiced for hours every day to achieve it. When I got there I became so close to this goal,” the former Nerazzurri player added.
But all these memories of hard work, perseverance, and struggle went down south after his mindset began to exhaust.
The beginning of his downfall
No sooner did Martin Bengtsson reach the beginning of becoming a star player, than he decided to call it quits. He just didn’t feel the purpose of wearing a kit again and kicking the ball.
The interest in becoming a baller just drained out leaving him clueless about life. The worst part was that, the entire childhood that he dedicated to football only resulted in three years of happiness.
“But when I reached it [becoming a footballer], something happened to this illusion that I had as a child that brought me such joy. When I saw what it was, the magic just disappeared.
“The joy of football was trying to get to Italy. The tragic part is that I got very close and it was not for me.” Martin said in his interview with Sky Sports.
Depression & Suicide
Not being able to make it to Inter Milan’s senior team was a shame as Martin recalls it. He was so hard on himself for not being able to carry on in life. With so much going on in his mind, the Swed hit depression and even attempted to commit suicide.
“There was also a lot of shame in not making it [into the first-team at Inter] straight away. If you are too hard on yourself you can go into a hole and start playing worse,” the Swed stated.
“I then felt shame for not being strong enough to go on. Did not want to show that I was weak. I did not want to say that I could not go on. I would rather die,” Martin Bengtsson added.
Other factors that caused depression
The realization of his existence at an Italian mega team was not what he’s been led to believe from the first. Martin was accommodated with several other young aspirants despite being guaranteed a private room in the agreement.
He felt forced to continue since he was isolated because he couldn’t communicate in the language and couldn’t integrate. Martin was warned that there are thousands out there eager to dethrone him and was cautioned that it was a yester opportunity not to be taken lightly.
Life after Inter
All wasn’t lost. Martin had so much life in front of him and he couldn’t just throw them away. With only 19 years of life gone, the Swed decided to give another shot at the ball.
He feared throwing his life on the streets & end up with drugs and someday maybe even prison. With some physicality still left in him, he didn’t want to look for a desk job yet. His body pushed him to continue playing football and was even good at it.
Playing in Sunday league matches, and other low-level competitions in Sweden kept his days going for a while. After playing in Orebro for months, the spark in him kept shining and had him on the headlines one day.
‘Bengtsson is back’ the paper read and everyone thought he was going to make a comeback. But sadly his life wasn’t the dramatic type we see in the movies. Bengtsson immediately quit football forever, because he didn’t want to get consumed by the illusion that he’ll do better.
Tigers: A movie on Bengtsson’s life
Nearly 20 years later, a renowned film titled ‘Tigers’ is based on the remarkable true tale of the Swedish wunderkind who quit the sport for his wellbeing. The Swedish national football team watched the film, which has been shown at film festivals
The movie was directed by Ronnie Sandahl and features Erik Enge, Frida Gustavsson, and Alfred Enoch among others in the lead. Tigers was released in 2020 and made a decent impact on the public’s opinion of the film.
People; especially aspiring footballers were able to connect with Martin Bengtsson’s struggles and the Swed was also happy with the response. When a Sky Sports interviewer asked Martin how he felt about the film, he said that it resonated well with the people.
“What is nice for me is to hear from other players who have been reaching out and feel this movie has touched on experiences and feelings that maybe we’re not exactly like mine but had similarities.
They feel locked into this ‘dream’ in many ways. That was very emotional, overwhelming, even.”
Bengtsson’s advice
A message to all
Martin stressed the fact that it’s critical for individuals to talk their hearts out and for there to be an atmosphere that encourages youngsters to do so.
If one keeps quiet but doesn’t cope with it, this will manifest itself in either aggression toward others or violence toward oneself. He believes therapy will save people a great deal of suffering and suggests taking help from a professional.
“I do believe there are doctors for every bone in the body but very few for the mind and the soul and that is very strange considering what a big business it is.”
Bengtsson’s take on football life
The 36-year-old claims young and aspiring ballers can’t expect their lives to be on cloud nine forever. Even on making the headlines every week and earning millions, the mind can’t be stable. Bengtsson says there’s so much more than just netting the ball and giving autographs.
The “survival of the fittest” idea doesn’t sit well with Martin Bengtsson. He thinks there are many kids out there who are talented but are sensitive to the cruel world. According to Bengtsson, a player who feels secure & afraid to come out of his comfort zone can also reach his goal.
“I get the question a lot, asking me what my advice is to young players these days as if it should come down to the individual to do something. It is the clubs and the football organizations that need to focus on the mental health of the players.”
What is Martin doing now?
The 36-year-old turned to journalism after failing in football. Turns out he’s gifted in writing and continues to do that even to this day. Martin unlike others saw the profession as a path to expressing himself and more.
Apart from journalism, Martin is a screenwriter who pens scripts for music and films. He developed taste for this form of entertainment when he moved to Berlin, Germany during his younger days.
“I love it. I found something that suits me very well. There is another type of pressure now with the deadlines and so on. I have found more and more that I take the football out,” the Swed said.
In conclusion, Martin Bengtsson found the light at the end of the tunnel, unlike many others. People stop after their first failure but he didn’t. The story is surely worth knowing and he inspires youngsters even up to this day. This has been Bengtsson’s story from our side. Visit Football express for more life stories of players.
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